Riding in cars with boys and crying


Photo0667I’ve been crying for the past couple of hours. I don’t know how to explain it. I won’t even try. All I know is my heart just exploded for my father whom i don’t really know, but i just realized a completely new perspective…his.  You see I always thought I understood what was going on in this planet and I suppose prided myself in understanded where others where coming from, but men where a bit of mystery to me…that was before the the movie ” Riding in cars with boys” invaded my scences.  This 2001 movie had flown under my radar because frankly put, I probably wasn’t ready to watch it. To the neive viewer the true essence might just pass you by, but I sit here weeping because for me, I finally saw something I’d never thought of seeing before.

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When I was singing in New Orleans, I passed by Steve Zahn & later he was enjoying my bands music twiddling his finger in the air in appreciation. At the time, I recognized him as that “funny guy” but as of tonight, now he’s the actor who portraid levels of sensativity that has brought me to absolute tears. Someone who was able to embody the sensativity of that of a man who struggles with addition and wants so desperatly to love his children…maybe the best way is to remove himself from their lives…watching Steve play the role of a father who under the spell of drugs left his family and his only son. He finally see his only boy again….his epically sweet, smart and suddle smerk was enough to … I don’t know… bring understanding to even this battered and bruised ego. I finally saw what possibly my own father has been feeling all these years. How can a man who has 4 beautiful daughters and one loving adoring son leave and turn his back? Maybe, because like that of the man Steve Zahn portrade, was in a position to know better. To know that it was best to walk away before things got worse. I’ve always been mad about why my dad left and now my own two marriages later I, of course, see myself quitly blaming him and my mother at times for my decitions, which seems silly…but now, maybe it’s a bit more understandable.

The look in Steves face when he says the words to his son that it was best that he left, dropped me completely. In every since of the word. I felt my heart colaps and my mind flashed to every father-daughter scene I could remeber almost faster than I could bare…something about his innocent and “wanting to do right” look cut me … cut me deep. oh shit…

I now have more pitty on my biological father than I have ever before. I’m not mad, but I  understand and it is almost unbareable. Unbareable to step or walk in his shoes. To live with an addiction, no matter what it is, is an incopacitating alment that you KNOW is stealing from you … you actually watch everything you love leave your hands…willingly…but against your will. And to know that everything or everyONE is better off without you in the picture is got to be the hardest decition any man could ever make.

Parents love doesn’t die. But sometimes that means because they are not perfect, the leaste they can do is walk away. It’s not because they hate us, but because it’s what’s best. I’m an absolute teary mess tonight…because my dad walked away a long time ago and I’m just now getting it.

 

Decoration DIY ACORNS

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Why pay almost 10.00 dollars (or even $15.00) for something you can quickly make?! That’s what I thought when I was getting ready for my November wedding…so I went acorn hunting just like a little chipmunk. My mother and I filled our pockets with acorns every time we were on our pre-wedding walk (we both had some pounds to walk-off). It was fun, I felt like a kid and we have wonderful memories walking, talking and picking up acorns together. It’s the warm simple things in life that really stick to your heart.

After our many trips I had enough and was ready to get to work! See?

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I separated all of their “hats” and got ready to hot glue the right sized acorn body to the hat of choice. Here’s a hint: Find the right sized hat FIRST. Then start glueing! Simple as that…oh and don’t forget your music. It’s fun to rock out to get that acorn mojo working!

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PERFECT! Now, I decided to spray the acorns GOLD, but go ahead and get crazy! Use whatever colors you desire.

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Let dry and you are done! Quick, easy and I will use these every fall. This would be a fun project with your tween or teenager too! Even you and your significant other will feel accomplished after finishing this fun project. Now get out there and build your memories as you build your home.

Enjoy finding the acorns in these pics!
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Sign Idea to bring bling

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What I started with was a purple $1.00 mini-frame…. what I ended up with was a wintery classic silver frame to welcome my guests to our lovely evening of romance at our wedding reception.

IMG_2795Remove backs from frames

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I recommend this awesome spray!IMG_3257Let dry

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Put back together…ooo pretty! Instant class!

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I couldn’t decide what to do with the other frames. so I concidered framing paper flowers…

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Instead,  made them welcome signs on each table….here’s how.

Measure:
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Pick paper to use

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Test it out first on regualr paper…make sure you like your fonts and size before you print on the fantastic paper that you choose. IMG_2886
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Print!!!

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Cut to fit your frame and add beautiful sparkle tape (or whatever you’d like to spice up your greetings!)

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Put them together and be thrilled with what you’ve made. It’s NOT hard and it leaves a fabulous impact…go have fun! Use them as picture holders again later for your home. Re-paint them to give them another update and re-use as you ‘d like! It’s a fantastic way to leave a big impact for little cost. Enjoy!IMG_2893 IMG_2892

:)

Elvis Lives! Bringing the Rock n Roll

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We’ve been working together for months now. I’ve gotten to meet such wonderful people and am surrounded by schooled Music Majors, talented minds and a long history of friendships and love that surpass any possible expectations. This show is going to be magic.

Clint is a well-known Elvis performer who takes his job very seriously. He can mimic and embody MANY performers such as Dean Martin, Frank Sinatra, Louis Armstrong and more. Any time he hits the stage, the audience doesn’t know what voice is going to come out. It’s truely fantastic. Did I mention he is a wonderfully kind man? Yeah, that too.

Our studio at DKP Company is a sweet little spot in town. We’ve really enjoyed getting to know eachother here, have had lots of laughs and building this Elvis vision.

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This post is just a quick note to show you whats to come. We are booking casinos and will begin serious travel in January 2014. This Elvis show is like non other and the Casinos are really pumped to have us dazzle their patrons…and we are extremely thrilled to have the opportunity.

I’ll post behind the scenes during this Elvis journey, Clints Fan Club updates and all the crazy events, we are all experiencing together. We are slowly becoming like a family. I am so honored to be a back-up singer with a band who wants to honor The King of Rock n Roll. He lives! Welcome to our world.DSC_0149 DSC_0151 DSC_0015

Amazing Prospect music-A festival recap

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Well hello there! I think it’s time for a musical update as I wonder through this great entertainment journey. I’m surrounded by musicians and dancers, which is a DREAM COME TRUE! Everyone is such a tremendous talent and everyone has great purpose, so when I meet these wonderful people and have the chance to hang with them, I’m in absolute heaven. Awww if only every day could be like this. :) Did you notice the backdrop of the stage I’m standing in front of? Those windows behind me were beautiful from the audience perspective…GREAT idea! I’m just sayin’. Ans yes…that is my little trumpet kazoo…a gift from a talented musician friend.

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I sang with The Bathtub Gin Serenaders at a beautiful outdoor festival called Music in the Mountains (check them out on Facebook too) This festival is a class-act. There are lots of organic food choices with a BBQ country-vibe, talented vendors you can buy everything from trinkets to snuggly fingerless gloves (I bought my awesome wedding gloves at this festival!) and MUSIC! The crowd was welcoming and despite the over cast, we had a fun-filled gig. I never know what silliness will fly out of my mouth and this gig was definitely one of those moments…laughter abounded because it wasn’t just me this time spouting funnies, the entire gang got involved this time. I loved it. And thankfully so did the crowd of 100’s…FEW! (wipes brow)

After the 1st day of the festival, most of the musicians met out on the Prospect Hotel porch and jammed…it was amazing. I guess this is a tradition the Prospect Hotel owners hold near and dear and of course once you are there, everyone can see why. We didn’t know one another, but the music did and that’s all we needed. Fantastic porch jam session…I am soooo bringing a recorder next time!

Here are some shots of the fun!IMG_2861

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Earlier that day I found out I’d be sleeping in my very own RV! The rest of the band made other arrangements, so I got to have the place all to myself. I found out later that a local RV business in Central Point Oregon DONATED all of his RV’s to the bands as a friendly gesture to both the musicians and Prospect Hotels management. Someone even made little signs for us so we could find our way…check it out.

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So thoughtful…and did I mention I had a blast! :) You all MUST go next year and hopefully we will get booked again! A big thank you to all those who put everything together! It’s my first official “musician staying in an RV after her show” moment. Hec yes, I took pictures! Wouldn’t you?

IMG_2856I had fun needless to say and the actual festival was amazing.

We had fabulous food in the Hotel restaurant that night…and drinks OF COURSE.

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And then…BOY DID IT POUR RAIN!! I headed over to the local pub because I was nowhere near ready to catch ZZzzz’s. Of course there was karaoke and I thought well why not!? For those of you who know me, you know by now that I had a HUGE fear and loathing of karaoke. I could sing to a stadium full of excited Football fans (1st person to sing the National Anthem on the U of O stadium floor! I was 17…) but ask me to speak in public, sing to small crowds or kareoke…forget it man! I know, it’s ridiculous, but it was my reality. Like everything else, I MADE myself sing karaoke (with help from a wonderful girlfriend Carrie Hopfinger; I love you and thank you much!). So singing tonight out in the middle of Prospect, pouring rain outside and only a handful of people in the Trophy Room and knowing I had a wonderful “musicians RV” to settle in for the night, it seemed fitting to continue to face that fear. Hey, everyone has fears…just don’t let them hold you back. FACE IT. If you don’t, it’ll face you and stick its nasty tongue out at you and crush everything you’ve worked so hard for. I constantly do things that I know I will fail at…then I get better. :) Face it…you will sooner than later anyway.

As I worked my way through the mud, torrential ran and trying to find my RV in the dark-I was happy I’d done some more singing, met some friendly faces and even met a chef that promised to hooked me up with an outstanding dessert he’d created. yum.

A long drive brought me to a wonderful place and even more wonderful experiences. Freakin’ fantastic. I listened to the pelting rain on the RV roof and slowly fell asleep.

I had no idea how the following days events would revile new cracks in my heart…both musically and personally.

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