Love or money

Is this what is always comes down to? Really? As I grow into my 30’s, I have been on a new level of self discovery. More like self re-discovery. Twelve years of marriage, with cars/motorcycle, a big house, owner/manager of a duplex rental, cats and heavily involved in my community helping others as well as leadership in a local church helping kids and traveling overseas to sing and train other leaders was a life I once had. Then I experienced a mixture of unwanted loss and eventually walking away from it all. Life changes a person, but never completely rids us of our idealistic youthful spirit. It could be in hiding, but ask any mother, and they will tell you that they can find it in their children, even hidden under the rubble. There is still a small & younger version of myself that creeps up and reminds me, “Hey, I’m still in here!” I was just reminded again reading an article.

Careers of Oregon is a magazine put out by a group called Worksource Oregon ( They interviewed Justin Aufdermauer regarding his self-discovery & starting his new sushi business. He has a day job as well is starting his own business on the side. He said something I’ve heard before, but it became a fresh reminder as I searched through all the possible money-making adventures I could take. You see, I’m a very hard worker. (I’ve had a job since 4th grade and earned my own money to help with my expenses.) When I’ve taking leadership tests my top leadership quality is “responsibility.” Another words…I won’t sleep until its done…and done right.

I’ve joined the millions of other people on this planet with no consistent source of income more than once over the past year. I quit my career path of helping homeless kids because of the educational system politics and small town ignorance. The other reason was I was killing myself trying to help others and couldn’t pay my bills with the income I was “given” for the life-changing efforts I continually strive to lend those I assisted. Instead, I was met with strife and road blocks by the administration, while I watched kids suffer…I suffered during and after work. Maybe there was a time I could have shouldered it all, but since my horrific divorce and almost loosing my mind, I suppose it was not meant for me to continue. I found another side job and left. A true artist and leader have something in common…they both know when to bow out and let the next person take the reigns. It was time for me to go.

As I sit here, reading, clipping, circling and notating possible avenues I could take; college again, part-time, full time, on-line work, side work or whatever it takes to make a buck, I read Justin’s little reminder of old values that younger girl from years past held so tight. He said,

“What it all comes down to, is you should do it (your career) because it’s something you like to do, not because you expect to make a lot of money.”

Right…thanks Justin. Back to my music.




Not wise, but…

I’m sure it’s not wise, but I’m typing while soak in a warm and candle lit bath. It’s lovely! Remarkably my toes are doing the happy dance, so this informs me that although in idea form these choices do no seem a good fit, truly…they are! Splendid!

My phone continues to text at me…I hear it down the hall. I suppose I should have turned that off. Oh well! My toes still happily dance, so Que serra Serra! Candles & a lap top…this is heaven.

So true of modern day romance. Whether in bed with someone or in a bath with the entire Planet, typing away…technology and all it’s toys abound. Instead of me and my thoughts, it’s my and my laptops! Beside you & me in bed is you & T.V. and so on and so forth…but using these tools to produce good is the essential to staying sane.

The old When to say When, comes to mind…it’s a new discipline we all have to learn when it comes to literally “shutting down” or “turning off.” Back away…put down the technology!

(note: computer balancing removes fingers from bathtub equation…sweat in the eyes REALLY hurts! OUCH…need bathtub laptop holder…if there is such a thing.)

My romance with music has been no different. Any blogger will tell you, keeping up with life and blogging is a challenge due to time constraints more often than not. A possible brain-freeze, but really it’s about lack of time. While the musical experience is discovered and unfolding before my very eyes, much like a romance to my heart, technology blasts into the picture. E-mailing other musicians, texting that one musical genius who never seems to get back to you without 20 calls their way first, becoming that musician (not-so-genius) who never seems to get back to people unless they are called 50 times (what? I’m not perfect!), typing out lyrics (mostly though, I still write due to the connection to paper that is irreplaceable when I write songs/poems/design) and then there is recording and production, iphone collaborations and more!

Finally comes blogging…

Sometimes I am able to, what I like to call, Pre-Blog, which is blog during the actual event and not allow the event to stop it’s forward motion and reach a wonderful musical climax. Mostly though, it’s blog after the activity is done.

So whats a girl to do? I mean, if my musical romance is mid-term interrupted with pre-blog, then it tends to decline the organic moments of creativity and lushness. If I wait too long to reach for my technical blogging-buddy (laptop…you sick-o minds out there!) the timing must be cherry in order for the blog to be blog-tastic!


Music my love…we have a third party involved with us now. Would you do what you did with all the other new comers like that of the pen, paper, microphone & recording devises and teach them your ways, so our romance is subtle, close, aggressive or strong without interruption. P.S. Music, I love you.

Well, I guess only time will tell the story for us all. As usual…it’s all about good, great and perfect timing. Timing is truly everything. BLESS YOU drummers and bass players…

It’s about time I get outta this bath too…FEEEW!