Love or money

Is this what is always comes down to? Really? As I grow into my 30’s, I have been on a new level of self discovery. More like self re-discovery. Twelve years of marriage, with cars/motorcycle, a big house, owner/manager of a duplex rental, cats and heavily involved in my community helping others as well as leadership in a local church helping kids and traveling overseas to sing and train other leaders was a life I once had. Then I experienced a mixture of unwanted loss and eventually walking away from it all. Life changes a person, but never completely rids us of our idealistic youthful spirit. It could be in hiding, but ask any mother, and they will tell you that they can find it in their children, even hidden under the rubble. There is still a small & younger version of myself that creeps up and reminds me, “Hey, I’m still in here!” I was just reminded again reading an article.

Careers of Oregon is a magazine put out by a group called Worksource Oregon ( They interviewed Justin Aufdermauer regarding his self-discovery & starting his new sushi business. He has a day job as well is starting his own business on the side. He said something I’ve heard before, but it became a fresh reminder as I searched through all the possible money-making adventures I could take. You see, I’m a very hard worker. (I’ve had a job since 4th grade and earned my own money to help with my expenses.) When I’ve taking leadership tests my top leadership quality is “responsibility.” Another words…I won’t sleep until its done…and done right.

I’ve joined the millions of other people on this planet with no consistent source of income more than once over the past year. I quit my career path of helping homeless kids because of the educational system politics and small town ignorance. The other reason was I was killing myself trying to help others and couldn’t pay my bills with the income I was “given” for the life-changing efforts I continually strive to lend those I assisted. Instead, I was met with strife and road blocks by the administration, while I watched kids suffer…I suffered during and after work. Maybe there was a time I could have shouldered it all, but since my horrific divorce and almost loosing my mind, I suppose it was not meant for me to continue. I found another side job and left. A true artist and leader have something in common…they both know when to bow out and let the next person take the reigns. It was time for me to go.

As I sit here, reading, clipping, circling and notating possible avenues I could take; college again, part-time, full time, on-line work, side work or whatever it takes to make a buck, I read Justin’s little reminder of old values that younger girl from years past held so tight. He said,

“What it all comes down to, is you should do it (your career) because it’s something you like to do, not because you expect to make a lot of money.”

Right…thanks Justin. Back to my music.




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