I can’t help but think something is bubbling up inside my core. It’s as though everything I’ve experienced in life thus far; the good, bad and very ugly, are about to come to a head in some way. Or should I say, maybe more of a point.
In life, there are waves. Waves of triumph & waves of loss. Waves that almost take you out, tumbling your body like a clothing in a dryer, slamming you to the bottom of the ocean, cracking your head, bruising more than just your pride all in an effort to remind you who the boss really is. Then, there are other times when the waves and you are one. Simply riding together, even seemingly in your favor. For just a few moments you can really feel like “the king of the world.” These times are absolute bliss and provide a much-needed manna from Heaven break so you are able to continue to the next wave or chapter of life…whatever that may be. Then there are the waves that just don’t come and you do nothing, but wait.
The waiting game is a rough one. You spend energy searching, watching, waiting, paying attention to your surroundings and have enough time to mentally venture off to other deep thoughts or possibly superficial ones. Either way, it’s dangerous swimming in the mind…that’s when sharks arrive. CHOMP!
I’ve been waiting a long time in specific areas of my life. I’m a 35-year-old female artist whose desire in life is to sing and ride the wave of emotions with others who hear either songs I help write or notes I help sing. Hopefully healing happens, joy and even sadness, but good sadness that moves people forward in life, not the opposite. I’ve always wanted to do this, but things don’t always unfold the way we wish. Sometimes, we wait and watch the scenery. We wait and learn. We wait and almost let go….almost.
I rode some wrong waves and was schooled by the waves in my life over and over and over and over again. Not because I’m slow at understanding how the World turns or the nature of people, no. (I feel ya sister Sandra…I feel ya) Not because of some stubborn pride or false humility or even lack of desire to learn…sadly no. I wish I could say that. Past waves were diverse and colorful. They where those I was meant to meet up with and learn from, but a part of me wished they weren’t in my path. I suppose that’s why I mentally quote que sera sera, Whatever will be will be (thanks Doris Day!) and completely embrace the hang-loose attitude of so many. Sometimes things just happen. Nothing we can do about it, it is what it is and well…that’s it. All of my past situations have made me stronger in the long run…but man oh man has it been a looooooong run.
What now? Some things in life I can predict, but others, of course, are still very new to me. I’ve been hit on all sides and although people have said they see me as someone with such joy and a “fantsy-free” spirit, I’m actually very serious. I choose joy over any other emotion…I don’t let the waves dictate how I feel long-term. If I did, I’d never move forward or desire a new wave of life to come my way. And like I said before swimming in your head during the “waiting game” is dangerous…always best to just keep swimming. 😉
I feel a new wave coming...a positive one that I’ve only dreamed of. As the saying goes, the taller they are the harder they fall…I’m definetly feeling a big wave around the bend and the fall would be tremendous. This time though, I’m not afraid or even scared. This time, I feel I’ve not only been born for it...I have been conditioned. Something is stirring. I’m ready…I’m open…